My journey

In the end, we hold our own hand!

One of the harshest truths of life that I came to accept only about a year ago is that no matter how much we feel loved, no matter how close we are with our family and no matter how many friends we have, we are absolutely all alone when it comes to solving our deep, emotional problems.

And when I say emotional problems, I am referring to those puzzling, deep emotions that cannot be fixed with some advice and good listening. I am referring to those emotions that require a lot of self-awareness, self-trust and self-acceptance before they can be solved.

I am talking about those situations when you are forced to face yourself. Those moments when you can’t run away from yourself and turn to others for help. Those moments when you see who you truly are and how much you have invested in yourself and in your soul. Those moments when you have to understand yourself and comfort yourself because nobody else knows how.

I am sure each and every single one of us has faced at least one of these moments. For example, when we are facing anxiety and depression, it is very hard to be comforted. Any mood that affects the body and the mind is hardly accessible to the exterior world. Of course, getting help is essential, but in the end, nobody can help us, unless we want to help ourselves.

I learned that going to a psychologist and talking about your problems is not enough to get better. So many people look at psychologists as doctors that are supposed to mend our emotional problems, just as a doctor heals our bodily pains. The truth is that we are the only ones that have access to our deepest, inner soul. And only we have the key to unlock the doors of our doubts and fears.

The same goes for tougher moments such as facing death. No matter what you say to someone who is grieving, you cannot possibly make them feel better. They are the only ones who know what they feel and how they feel it. They are the only ones who know how long it is going to take before they can move on. They have to hold their own hand through it all and let go the moment they are ready.

Only recently, I have started holding my own hand without looking to the exterior for answers. It is hard to do it when you are not used to getting feedback from within. It is a self-discovery journey that might seem lonely at times, but which is safe and certain. Only we know how we truly feel and what we need to make ourselves feel better. Only we have the answers to what lies within us. We are our own best friend and the person we should know best.

This perspective did not only help me in relationship with myself, but also in my relationship with others. I have the feeling that I can now be there for someone without taking on their problems and without feeling the constant need to save them. I know that the key is in their hands and I trust their own journey no matter how long it might take them. I feel less frustrated when I am not able to help someone, because now I accept that their decisions are not in my hands. I feel like I can listen with a more open mind and spirit and that I allow the person next to me the freedom to follow their own path at their own pace without judgement or interference.

The featured picture of this post is a painting done by Frida Kahlo called “The two Fridas“. Her painting inspired me to think that in the end we hold our own hand through pain.

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