Letter to my unborn child
Even though psychology is one of my biggest passions, I found it very hard to write in this section of the website. The last category in which I “dared” to write in was the child psychology section. First of all, because I am not a mother yet and I haven’t experienced yet the complexity of this gift and second of all because this is the part of the website that my child will probably look at someday and say: she might have had the theory right, but definitely not the practice…
So, after long thoughts on the child psychology section and what my first post will be about, it finally came to me. I will start off this section with a letter to my unborn child. A letter that unexpectedly poured out of my heart one afternoon together with an endless stream of tears. Only after I finished writing it, I realized it was an apology letter. An apology letter to my unborn child for all the unintentional harm and damage that I will probably cause to him or her. An apology for making so many decisions on his/her part without his/her consent. An apology for not being the perfect mother that he/she deserves… And maybe only after a big, sincere apology will I dare to pick up my child and teach him/her about life through my eyes. And only maybe after this apology will I dare write about child psychology and the importance of a harmonious emotional development which is so greatly needed as an adult.
And so, the child psychology section was born…
I want to start off by apologizing to you for bringing you into this world without asking your permission first, without knowing if this is what you wanted or wished for. It was my wish and your daddy’s and we both hope that you will like it here and that in the end you will enjoy life and consider it a gift from our side. This is just for you to know that you don’t owe us anything. It wasn’t your wish to come here, therefore whatever you wish to do from now on with your life it’s up to you. I also apologize for choosing your name without asking you first and I hope that you will like it. If not, you can change it anytime and we will call you whatever you consider best and suitable to your taste and personality.
I am sorry that for the beginning of your life I will be forced to make many decisions for you, but I promise that I will try my best to choose only what is in your best interest and that I will be eagerly waiting for you to reach the age when you will be able to verbally communicate your wishes and desires so that you can have a say in the decision making process.
I can tell you by now that holding you in my arms for the first time will be the most humbling experience in the world and probably the most frightening moment that I will experience. It will be hard seeing your innocence, your purity, your unlimited desire to absorb everything around you and make sense of this new world and knowing that I will be the main person responsible for shaping you, your views and future relationships. It will be hard knowing that I will be the first person tainting your innocence and purity and I apologize for not being the perfect mother that you deserve. I am sorry for not protecting you enough or for protecting you too much, I am sorry for being too exaggerated at times and I apologize for not always finding a good balance. I also apologize that I will not be the best person to teach you about self-love, self-worth and what it takes to build a healthy relationship. But what I can tell you is that we can both change for the better no matter what age or issues we have.
The only thing that I kindly ask of you is to always express how you feel and to always stay true to your feelings. They are your main compass in this life and they will always guide you in the right direction. And I promise that I will always be there to listen to your feelings and respect them. Even though I cannot guarantee you that I will always make the best decisions, have the best reactions and be a good example for you in all complexities of human nature, I can guarantee you one thing! I will ALWAYS be here to hold your hand through your walk in life, I will always be there in all the highs and lows of your journey. Please don’t ever fear that I cannot handle your reactions, your thoughts and your emotions. You don’t need to take care of me in any way. The only person that you need to take care of is yourself. I am here only to witness, admire and encourage the development of your beautiful self, no matter what that might be.
I love you!
Photo Credits: Anamaria Olaru
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